Category Archives: Accidents 501-1000

Accident 701; Around January 2016

Diary,

Today I saw the most incredible vision of Your face and the meaning of Communion.

In church today, at Los Osos Christian Fellowship, I was engaged in worship when I asked the Holy Spirit to show me the meaning of Communion.

Before my eyes, I saw the most beautiful face.  Eyes shut with gentle lids, not forced or partially open.  The gentleness of the closed eyes, like someone sleeping were slowly wrapped in a cloth that reminded me of muslin as it was placed across the closed eyes.  I could hear weeping and tears were dripping on the cloth that was then wrapping around the chin and mouth.  I became so distraught that my tears also began to drop onto the face.  I noticed four distinct women crying and gently wrapping the face, their tears soaking the cloak.  Behind the women, I saw three men putting their hands on the shoulders of the women as they wrapped His face.   I wanted desperately the wrapped face to wake up and comfort us, because it was at this moment I realized I was seeing His face being wrapped and the pain in my heart at such a final act, a finality to what had happened was all there.  I’ve never felt such heartache even though once I knew it was Him and He was to be raised, it still impacted the core of my very being – nothing television, preaching or reading about the sacrifice fully impacted me what the true meaning of his death meant – it was final, hopeless and heartbreaking, and loving.

My eyes opened, with the auditorium blurred with my tears hitting the carpet and the pastor, Josh Nash held communion.

I get it now, thank you Dear Jesus for what you did and giving me a small glimpse of he fulfillment of what you did to save us, to have relationship with You.

 

 

 

Accident 790; September 7, 2016

I was blessed by participating in the first Spirit Connection webinar from Doug Addison’s ministry.

One of the things I’ve loved about Doug Addison’s ministry, starting back from about two years ago, is how he hears from the Lord and puts a word out every day.  Most days, I feel as though Doug Addison has really heard from God and he’s speaking directly into my life.  There have been times where he speaks that day on “Don’t be discouraged about bad news you receive today, God has a purpose” and that day I had been served on a legal case.  A year and a half later, I found that case to be dismissed and the Lord used that case for some very special growth and timing for both me and my business.  It took a year and a half, but I still remember the word of God that Doug Addison had posted the day I got served.

My biggest struggle, is now remembering it’s all in God’s perfect timing.

A year or so ago I purchased a book from Doug Addison on interpreting and understanding dreams and then never read it.  I know it sounds ungrateful, but I passed the book along to my father who I thought would benefit from it more.  My father has always been the dreamer in the family and fancies himself a prophet of God.  Although I don’t doubt my father has a gift to receive dreams, or that he’s not blessed by God; I can only say that his dreams have brought me nothing but sorrow and heartbreak by not realizing that the dream is not enough, there is a timing element that needs to followed as well – and it’s not my father’s timing.

When I started to get dreams at a young age that felt like they were from God, yet I had done everything in my power to squelch those dreams and to die to anything having to do with God as a result.

Part of the heartache could have been that we were kicked out of several churches growing up (I’ve gone into detail of this before, and if not, I will in the future) and each time it seemed to be a sign that dreams and visions of God all ended with the canonizing of the New Testament because anything since then can only be a product of pain and sorrow.

Bethel Ministries spends a great deal of time talking about how there are pillars in the church and how the church is to react to a prophet, but without these guidances growing up, I’ve only found that on the other side of my father’s dreams were unfulfilled ambitions.  In fact, my second husband was a product of my father’s dreams.  Although I didn’t want to marry him quite yet, my father said he saw him as my husband in his dream and so I moved forward into one of the most difficult trials in my life.  When I look back now, I guess I could say that my husband now would be the same fulfillment of that dream, “as a foreigner with strawberry blond hair, etc”.  But the un-fulfillment of that dangerous marriage prophecy only bought resentment between me and my family as his personal interpretation of his own dreams, and the wrong timing cost me a marriage and a quarter million dollars of my savings.

It’s hard to trust God and trust dreams and visions when both raised that they were wrong, and then any that were had by my father didn’t bear any good fruit.  I believe that because we didn’t have the church network to help my father through, that what he saw and his own filter was flawed as any human filter is, secluded from a healthy, supportive network.

Doug Addison is one of the only “dreaming prophets” that I am able to fully discern with the Lord’s help, that grasps the full fruit of the spirit and he can properly discern the difference between what dreams are from a human filter, and which are from the Holy Spirit.  He’s so grounded and inspirational for anyone trying to learn the difference, and healing for those like me that have seen only too faithfully how dreams of the spirit, without discernment can break people, families, churches and relationships.

Today was my first time participating in his Spirit Connection where Doug Addison speaks live about what the Holy Spirit is speaking to him about the season, and then he does a question and answer session at the end.  Skeptically, I asked a question of him and remarkably, he answered!  With over 279 people online and asking questions, he took the time to address a question about what to do about my family, – namely my father and his dreams –

My questions to Doug Addison; How do you know if you’re leaving someone behind that you’re doing it in the right spirit, or if you’re being false?  I can’t continue the co-dependent relationship I’ve had with my father and his dreams, I need to part ways and to move onto my own relationship with God and build it with my husband; however, my father makes it very tough to leave the relationship, building only terrible acts that encourage resentment and he uses his dreams as weapons.

Doug answered me in his Spirit Connection webcast for September 2016, that the difference between removing people in your life, versus having a bad spirit about sending people away in your life has to do with the heart – that wanting to raise judgement against them, wishing poorly for them, is the difference between making the right decision and making possibly the right decision in the wrong way.  He encouraged me to read James and John 15.

Today Doug says (September 12, 2016) that “A common mistake people make is not waiting or testing a prophetic word and acting on it too soon in the form of some major decision”.  I leaned on my father’s timing of the prophetic dream and not God’s timing of his dream.  This decision, like many others have allowed me to earn more painful life stripes than I needed to.

Lord, I want to move forward in your vision and timing for me and honor the gifts of the spirit you give people, and my dreams as well, but I move forward with your timing and I wait on you.  Patiently, Dear God, I wait on your perfect timing and I give patience to the people whom I’ve let speak into my life and urge their imperfect, yet well-meaning timing.  God, if I had had not been eager to move forward out of anxiety and not rest and be comforted in your quiet timing for my life, I would have saved myself so much heartache.  Thank you for buying all the heartache back from me in Your “buy back” program and compounding grace both on me and on the people who have spoken into my life.  Dearest Father, I don’t want to raise judgement against those that I have to leave behind because they do not want to walk in Your timing and watch my heart that I don’t raise judgement against them either.  Let the parting be more peaceful dearest God.  Amen.

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Accidental Baptism in the Holy Spirit, 788 Part B; August 18, 2016

After an incredible worship, the speaker, Stacey Campbell, came to the front and began speaking.  I liked her for the fact she was also a fellow Canadian, but I couldn’t quite gel with what she was saying. In my mind, I was still arguing with myself if I actually heard Dear God, or if I was hearing my own thoughts tell me what I wanted to hear.  I didn’t have a prayer in me to ask for discernment, for it had been nearly 8 months of a prayerless desert.

Then it happened, Stacey Campbell blurted out the unthinkable, “To anyone who wants to be imparted the gift of Tongues, come up here and … (palatable pause) Patricia King will pray for you!”

My body didn’t feel under my control, my arm jumped up and I stood straight and tall as I could.  The house prophet was the only one that saw my outstretched arms and pointed my way as no one else was making any indication they wanted to be prayed for by Patricia King.  He pointed me out and my body once again felt out of my control and I marched my way to the front and stood at attention in front of Patricia King.  I’ll never forget the look on her face, God bless her, but I could tell she was a bit frustrated.  The whole auditorium was going in one direction of speaking into people’s lives with the gift of prophecy and here there is one person disrupting the whole thing, standing in rapt attention at the front waiting to be prayed for.  What Patricia King didn’t know, was that God made that appointment for me because of my doubting heart.

I was asked to move to the side where they would find a place for us to pray, and where I was originally the only one, about 5 other women joined me up at the frontlines of that auditorium.  With all of us brought to a private room in the side of the auditorium, it was amazing to see Patricia King come into herself and start to speak.  I could feel the Holy Spirit on her as she switched gears from the excitement of the main hall to the private room where around 8 of us were now gathered for the impartation of the gift of Tongues.  When asked if anyone had difficulty, I raised my hand that I was raised non-Charismatic, along with one other woman and she prayed for us separately.  When she put her hand on my head, I felt like I was a basketball in her capable game of speaking to Dear Jesus on our behalf that we wouldn’t be burdened by not having grown up allowing the gifts of the Holy Spirit to manifest in our lives – she was much taller than I had imagined, given I’m used to being one of the tallest women in any group, she towered over me and I submitted to the Holy Father as she led us in prayer.

Then I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and I received the gift of Tongues along with each of the women there with us.

The most comforting thing that Patricia King said that day, was that when we get the gift, to not be hard on ourselves if it is just a few sounds, because she also had that limited expression at first, but that it grows in us as we build it with time and prayer with the Holy Spirit. Not everyone has these immediate radical experiences with God, but like her husband, he knew God to be right and when he asked the Lord to be in his heart, it didn’t come with the resounding boom that we’d always like, but in the stillness and quietness of our time with Him; we get into relationship that is confirmed, over and over again.

Today I was confirmed again, in my prayerless urgent search for Him; He found me in worship and He spoke to my heart what would happened that would once again affirm his relationship with me.  In that reaffirmation, I wound up being prayed for by a woman whose ministry really speaks to me, like it speaks to many, and I was blessed surrounded by women who sought the same thing.

Dear God is so good, using my failure to believe His still soft voice; He still made a way to both clearly and confidently reaffirm His voice in my heart so that next time, I’ll know His voice and I won’t waiver in faith of knowing Him from the doubting voices in my head.

 

 

Accidental Baptism in the Holy Spirit, 788 Part A; August 18, 2016

Diary,

I was accidentally Spirit Filled today… imparted by Patricia King and the Holy Spirit let me know ahead of time!

I first heard of the Women on the Frontlines conference that was to happen in August 2016 on one of my visits to the Santa Maria Valley Healing Rooms on the Central Coast of California.

Though I no longer lived on the Central Coast of California when the conference was to be held, what appealed to me to make the trip and travelling to the conference was that Patricia King was advertised to be there.

Patricia King’s ministry always struck a special chord for me since I rededicated my life to Christ –

You see, it’s tough when you’re raised very non-charismatic and then you want to branch further into the fruits of the spirit.  First thing you do is try a charismatic church, then, you see people raising their hands at church, you start to back slowly out the door thinking it was a mistake, tripping over someone slain in the spirit on the way to making your exit, concerned that they’re prone in the aisle; panicked you start to question your sanity until someone sees the wary look and grabs your hand and raises it to the roof too – next thing you know, you’re in lovely fellowship, feeling angels around you in mutual worship. 

Given I had a few false starts in getting baptized in the Holy Spirit, making another try with her ministry, a ministry grounded in the movement of the Holy Spirit without coming across like a recent diagnosis from the DSM V (and I say this out of complete love and appreciation of the charismatic movement, but know, that although I believe God moves through the people, I still pray for discernment between what is of God, what is out of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and what is mimicking the best parts of God’s Holy Spirit moving through people but not genuine).

While sitting and waiting for the speakers to rally and the worship team was still doing sound checks, I had the opportunity to speak to a few of the lovely women that were around me ready for the weekend to begin. I was impressed by how many professionals were at this conference and not just the usual “glory chasers” (wonderful charismatic worshipers that fully experience the Holy Spirit beyond what I have been able to comprehend).

The anticipation of the weekend coming weighed on me and the world felt like it was on my shoulders and when worship started I prayed to Dear Father for the first time in what felt like 8 months since I had sometime in the last year lost my ability to pray,

“Dear God, I don’t know what to say, I’m hurt, I’m angry and worst yet, I feel like I can’t pray to you.  I’d really appreciate having the gift of Tongues so I don’t have to feel like I need to come up with the words of what to say, I can just have my spirit reach out.”

That’s when I heard Him. “Go up to the front and kneel and pray.  You’ll be Blessed.”

“Um, Dear God, no.  After the last year, I can’t.  I need to pull a Gideon right now; I need proof before I move to the front to be prayed for or blessed.”  I argued back with the Lord.

“I’ll let you know when, but you should know, if you are to go now, you’ll be blessed.  You’ll know to go up, because there will be an alter call for Patricia King to pray, tonight, and you will know.”

“I’m sorry, Dear God, but I’m still learning to trust You…I can’t go up now, I need to hear it clear as day” Tears finished my prayer and my hands raised into the air, wondering still if I was blessed by hearing His voice or if I was one of those cases I was scared of, imagining conversations with God in my head – after all, Patricia King wasn’t even supposed to speak tonight, let alone pray for me to get any sort of blessing.

 

Accidentally Healed 1: October 18, 2015

You read it right, I experienced a healing on October 18, 2015.  You’re probably as shocked as I am.

Healings are something that happens exclusively in African countries, with special missionaries and back the biblical times, right?  Not today, in North America.

That’s what I thought.

For the last two years, I’ve suffered from several injuries that didn’t heal. The first one, being my neck.  As I was practicing CPR in an obligatory course, I looked up to the right, and that was the beginning of being bedridden for nearly 6 weeks.  Nerve blocks, muscle relaxants, chiropractor and frequent massages never took away the pain completely.  Up until 2 weeks ago, I maintained a steady diet of Ibuprofen, muscle relaxants (sometimes something stronger) with semi-frequent massages.

The second injury, only 6 months ago, involved a moment of weakness and distress with Dear God.  I can confirm tears, and yelling were part of the internal pain that I expressed outwardly.  Although my bedframe doesn’t show the marks, my foot never healed from the frustrated, bare-footed kick.  The kick that immediately buckled me forward where my hand came forward and also got injured as I came up swinging.  Two broken fingers, and several broken bones in my foot had left me looking as though I was taught a tough lesson by Ronda Rousey.  Not a day went by where I was able to drive, the walking cast was on my accelerator foot, the finger casts on my writing hand.  Even after the casts came off, getting around was difficult and doubled my dose of Ibuprofen.

One bedridden night, I was flipping through Amazon and watched “The Finger of God” through the encouragement of a friend.  I was so touched, I wound up watching all the films by Wunderlust (WP Films).  Not all of them were special to me, I could have missed movie number 2 entirely, but they left me so encouraged.  By the time I finished the last one, I decided to try out a local church; but not just any church, I would not be swayed back into one of those of my childhood churches with stuffy music and even stuffier people.  On that fateful Sunday, October 18, Dear God touched me and I wept.

The music was astounding.  The preaching was less than impacting.  Dear God was still there, with the less than perfect sermon. Dear God had room for everyone there, me included.  At the end, when the pastor prayed and asked for God to touch everyone, to touch the bad backs and sore necks.  I felt a warmth, like a hug from a parent before you hit puberty, warmth remembered from youth when the world still seemed perfect.  I cried like I haven’t cried.  I cried for my broken heart.  I cried for my broken body.  I cried for the miracles Dear God has done in my life, but I still felt abandoned.  I cried for the sake of crying.  And when I was done crying, I was able to walk out of church.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I walked, without limping, out of church.  I walked straight, and looked over my shoulder when I left.  Over my shoulder, neck twisting, without a thought, because there was no pain.

Even my foot and hands, that broke with my anger towards Dear God; Dear God had the Grace and capacity to meet me there, at that little church that had no more than 30 people in it, and me – broken me – healing the very wounds I suffered wanting to inflict pain out of frustration on Him.

That’s the first time I’ve ever felt the Spirit move, and I’ve been walking towards it, without pain, since.

Oh, and I had a massage today … part of my former, regularly scheduled pain regimen, and she didn’t find a single knot between my shoulders, had to ease the amount of pressure she used, and she didn’t find a tight trapeze muscle.  I wept until I feel asleep, right there on the table today; for the first time in years, I relaxed.

Accident 501, Part C; August 29, 2015

Personally it has also been a journey.

When I get anxious, I pound away angrily at my keyboard creating tasks, spreadsheets, answering emails, haranguing employees, balancing the books, pulling reports … an exhaustive effort in tasks that do nothing for my emotional self.  And when there isn’t work left, I start on groceries, cleaning car, house maintenance and nagging those that live with me to live up to this standard of perfection around me that doesn’t exist.  It also doesn’t make me feel better while also alienating the people that mean the most to me – those that live and work with me.

So I’ve discovered, it’s not about the bible study, the daily reading or the intensive prayer before bed or even chalking up my church-going life to be put in the same category as my chores, and it’s not even in the lack of those things, but it’s the relationship, the people that matter.

What does this person, me, have with Jesus right now?  Today, am I a Mary or a Martha? Are we in relationship, or are we in task?

Great people are those that recognize people, not tasks, are the true measure of a person.

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Accident 501, Part B; August 29, 2015

My work life had been no exception.

Two years ago, an employee that got done absolutely everything in a day for 30 consecutive days, was the employee of the month.  But customers didn’t keep coming back because we got everything done in their prospective orders.  In fact, many left for less capable companies.

Why?

Because tasks are nothing but logical processes and take nothing into consideration for the people around them; they are empty vouchers of ability that say nothing to the character of a person. 

I even employed some Christian men and women (smugly, I might add, “oh look at me, I employ people in the Church, how wonderful of me”), who were all very good at tasks and wound up being not great with people.  Were they bad people?  Maybe not.  Did they do bad things? Absolutely, in some cases.

In fact, my former CFO, a proposed Christian man who did mission trips, participated in the church, spoke of his ever-holy tasks of being a good man; but he was not a great man or even a decent man when it came down to it.  He participated in the fraudulent handling of affairs within the company because likely he never handled the people or took time to be in relationship with the people around him, or probably even Dear God. He handled the tasks, and took no notice of the relationship and context his actions were participating in.

Likewise, if I hadn’t spent all my time doing the tasks of the company, and spent time with the people of the company, I would have discovered it much sooner; however, I also was lost in being a not-bad person and focused only on the tasks at hand, not on the people around me.  Tasks have a way of giving a false sense of self to those around you, so much so, that you start to believe your own lies of how good you are because everything around you is functioning, clean and in its place.

Realizing this and having the paradigm shift to engage in relationship, not task, lost me everything; once you force the harder task of participation, suddenly there are no false ways to judge a character around the office, no awards, no records, no false achievements; it all become about how the customer and peers are satisfied with working with you and only the strongest of character remain behind.

Tasks are for the weak.  Relationship is for the strong.

Through the transition, only one person remained in the company aside from myself, and there were too many tasks to not focus in on relationship in order to get the company back up and running again, stronger than ever.

A year later, my employees aren’t graded exclusively in what they can accomplish (and yes, it turns out the more they are treated like people themselves, the more they treat other people like people and the circle turns very profitable), but on the difference they can make in people’s lives that we work with.  In turn, those people make differences in our lives and what a better way to spend a day that the tasks are no longer tasks, but building blocks of relationship between employee, employer and customer.

Accident 501, Part A; August 29, 2015

Diary,

I accidentally had to start this post over, because I forgot that it’s not about the task of writing it…

it’s the people that count.  In my reflections on this point, I had three pages that didn’t illustrate my point, not even close.  I got so caught up in the task of what I was writing, that I forgot the very human experience happening inside of me.

I remembered that Jesus illustrated this when he goes to Mary and Martha’s house.  Martha became engaged in the tasks of cleaning and preparation of her home and Mary sat at Jesus’ feet…Jesus scolds Martha for chastising Mary by stating it is the better choice to sit and participate with Him.  The better route, was not in the preparation, but in the moment of participation.

I had never understood that point until just now.

Being raised in the Dutch Reform Church, I can tell you my Oma would have ripped my ear off of my head if we were going to have Jesus over and I hadn’t cleaned the toilets.  So much of my life has been focused on having the tasks of preparation complete, so much so, that I completely missed the purpose and reason for the task in the first place.

Just like this post, I almost was so caught up in writing it, that I forgot why I was writing it.