After an incredible worship, the speaker, Stacey Campbell, came to the front and began speaking. I liked her for the fact she was also a fellow Canadian, but I couldn’t quite gel with what she was saying. In my mind, I was still arguing with myself if I actually heard Dear God, or if I was hearing my own thoughts tell me what I wanted to hear. I didn’t have a prayer in me to ask for discernment, for it had been nearly 8 months of a prayerless desert.
My body didn’t feel under my control, my arm jumped up and I stood straight and tall as I could. The house prophet was the only one that saw my outstretched arms and pointed my way as no one else was making any indication they wanted to be prayed for by Patricia King. He pointed me out and my body once again felt out of my control and I marched my way to the front and stood at attention in front of Patricia King. I’ll never forget the look on her face, God bless her, but I could tell she was a bit frustrated. The whole auditorium was going in one direction of speaking into people’s lives with the gift of prophecy and here there is one person disrupting the whole thing, standing in rapt attention at the front waiting to be prayed for. What Patricia King didn’t know, was that God made that appointment for me because of my doubting heart.
I was asked to move to the side where they would find a place for us to pray, and where I was originally the only one, about 5 other women joined me up at the frontlines of that auditorium. With all of us brought to a private room in the side of the auditorium, it was amazing to see Patricia King come into herself and start to speak. I could feel the Holy Spirit on her as she switched gears from the excitement of the main hall to the private room where around 8 of us were now gathered for the impartation of the gift of Tongues. When asked if anyone had difficulty, I raised my hand that I was raised non-Charismatic, along with one other woman and she prayed for us separately. When she put her hand on my head, I felt like I was a basketball in her capable game of speaking to Dear Jesus on our behalf that we wouldn’t be burdened by not having grown up allowing the gifts of the Holy Spirit to manifest in our lives – she was much taller than I had imagined, given I’m used to being one of the tallest women in any group, she towered over me and I submitted to the Holy Father as she led us in prayer.
Then I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and I received the gift of Tongues along with each of the women there with us.
The most comforting thing that Patricia King said that day, was that when we get the gift, to not be hard on ourselves if it is just a few sounds, because she also had that limited expression at first, but that it grows in us as we build it with time and prayer with the Holy Spirit. Not everyone has these immediate radical experiences with God, but like her husband, he knew God to be right and when he asked the Lord to be in his heart, it didn’t come with the resounding boom that we’d always like, but in the stillness and quietness of our time with Him; we get into relationship that is confirmed, over and over again.
Today I was confirmed again, in my prayerless urgent search for Him; He found me in worship and He spoke to my heart what would happened that would once again affirm his relationship with me. In that reaffirmation, I wound up being prayed for by a woman whose ministry really speaks to me, like it speaks to many, and I was blessed surrounded by women who sought the same thing.
Dear God is so good, using my failure to believe His still soft voice; He still made a way to both clearly and confidently reaffirm His voice in my heart so that next time, I’ll know His voice and I won’t waiver in faith of knowing Him from the doubting voices in my head.