Monthly Archives: September 2016

Accident 790; September 7, 2016

I was blessed by participating in the first Spirit Connection webinar from Doug Addison’s ministry.

One of the things I’ve loved about Doug Addison’s ministry, starting back from about two years ago, is how he hears from the Lord and puts a word out every day.  Most days, I feel as though Doug Addison has really heard from God and he’s speaking directly into my life.  There have been times where he speaks that day on “Don’t be discouraged about bad news you receive today, God has a purpose” and that day I had been served on a legal case.  A year and a half later, I found that case to be dismissed and the Lord used that case for some very special growth and timing for both me and my business.  It took a year and a half, but I still remember the word of God that Doug Addison had posted the day I got served.

My biggest struggle, is now remembering it’s all in God’s perfect timing.

A year or so ago I purchased a book from Doug Addison on interpreting and understanding dreams and then never read it.  I know it sounds ungrateful, but I passed the book along to my father who I thought would benefit from it more.  My father has always been the dreamer in the family and fancies himself a prophet of God.  Although I don’t doubt my father has a gift to receive dreams, or that he’s not blessed by God; I can only say that his dreams have brought me nothing but sorrow and heartbreak by not realizing that the dream is not enough, there is a timing element that needs to followed as well – and it’s not my father’s timing.

When I started to get dreams at a young age that felt like they were from God, yet I had done everything in my power to squelch those dreams and to die to anything having to do with God as a result.

Part of the heartache could have been that we were kicked out of several churches growing up (I’ve gone into detail of this before, and if not, I will in the future) and each time it seemed to be a sign that dreams and visions of God all ended with the canonizing of the New Testament because anything since then can only be a product of pain and sorrow.

Bethel Ministries spends a great deal of time talking about how there are pillars in the church and how the church is to react to a prophet, but without these guidances growing up, I’ve only found that on the other side of my father’s dreams were unfulfilled ambitions.  In fact, my second husband was a product of my father’s dreams.  Although I didn’t want to marry him quite yet, my father said he saw him as my husband in his dream and so I moved forward into one of the most difficult trials in my life.  When I look back now, I guess I could say that my husband now would be the same fulfillment of that dream, “as a foreigner with strawberry blond hair, etc”.  But the un-fulfillment of that dangerous marriage prophecy only bought resentment between me and my family as his personal interpretation of his own dreams, and the wrong timing cost me a marriage and a quarter million dollars of my savings.

It’s hard to trust God and trust dreams and visions when both raised that they were wrong, and then any that were had by my father didn’t bear any good fruit.  I believe that because we didn’t have the church network to help my father through, that what he saw and his own filter was flawed as any human filter is, secluded from a healthy, supportive network.

Doug Addison is one of the only “dreaming prophets” that I am able to fully discern with the Lord’s help, that grasps the full fruit of the spirit and he can properly discern the difference between what dreams are from a human filter, and which are from the Holy Spirit.  He’s so grounded and inspirational for anyone trying to learn the difference, and healing for those like me that have seen only too faithfully how dreams of the spirit, without discernment can break people, families, churches and relationships.

Today was my first time participating in his Spirit Connection where Doug Addison speaks live about what the Holy Spirit is speaking to him about the season, and then he does a question and answer session at the end.  Skeptically, I asked a question of him and remarkably, he answered!  With over 279 people online and asking questions, he took the time to address a question about what to do about my family, – namely my father and his dreams –

My questions to Doug Addison; How do you know if you’re leaving someone behind that you’re doing it in the right spirit, or if you’re being false?  I can’t continue the co-dependent relationship I’ve had with my father and his dreams, I need to part ways and to move onto my own relationship with God and build it with my husband; however, my father makes it very tough to leave the relationship, building only terrible acts that encourage resentment and he uses his dreams as weapons.

Doug answered me in his Spirit Connection webcast for September 2016, that the difference between removing people in your life, versus having a bad spirit about sending people away in your life has to do with the heart – that wanting to raise judgement against them, wishing poorly for them, is the difference between making the right decision and making possibly the right decision in the wrong way.  He encouraged me to read James and John 15.

Today Doug says (September 12, 2016) that “A common mistake people make is not waiting or testing a prophetic word and acting on it too soon in the form of some major decision”.  I leaned on my father’s timing of the prophetic dream and not God’s timing of his dream.  This decision, like many others have allowed me to earn more painful life stripes than I needed to.

Lord, I want to move forward in your vision and timing for me and honor the gifts of the spirit you give people, and my dreams as well, but I move forward with your timing and I wait on you.  Patiently, Dear God, I wait on your perfect timing and I give patience to the people whom I’ve let speak into my life and urge their imperfect, yet well-meaning timing.  God, if I had had not been eager to move forward out of anxiety and not rest and be comforted in your quiet timing for my life, I would have saved myself so much heartache.  Thank you for buying all the heartache back from me in Your “buy back” program and compounding grace both on me and on the people who have spoken into my life.  Dearest Father, I don’t want to raise judgement against those that I have to leave behind because they do not want to walk in Your timing and watch my heart that I don’t raise judgement against them either.  Let the parting be more peaceful dearest God.  Amen.

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Accidental Baptism in the Holy Spirit, 788 Part B; August 18, 2016

After an incredible worship, the speaker, Stacey Campbell, came to the front and began speaking.  I liked her for the fact she was also a fellow Canadian, but I couldn’t quite gel with what she was saying. In my mind, I was still arguing with myself if I actually heard Dear God, or if I was hearing my own thoughts tell me what I wanted to hear.  I didn’t have a prayer in me to ask for discernment, for it had been nearly 8 months of a prayerless desert.

Then it happened, Stacey Campbell blurted out the unthinkable, “To anyone who wants to be imparted the gift of Tongues, come up here and … (palatable pause) Patricia King will pray for you!”

My body didn’t feel under my control, my arm jumped up and I stood straight and tall as I could.  The house prophet was the only one that saw my outstretched arms and pointed my way as no one else was making any indication they wanted to be prayed for by Patricia King.  He pointed me out and my body once again felt out of my control and I marched my way to the front and stood at attention in front of Patricia King.  I’ll never forget the look on her face, God bless her, but I could tell she was a bit frustrated.  The whole auditorium was going in one direction of speaking into people’s lives with the gift of prophecy and here there is one person disrupting the whole thing, standing in rapt attention at the front waiting to be prayed for.  What Patricia King didn’t know, was that God made that appointment for me because of my doubting heart.

I was asked to move to the side where they would find a place for us to pray, and where I was originally the only one, about 5 other women joined me up at the frontlines of that auditorium.  With all of us brought to a private room in the side of the auditorium, it was amazing to see Patricia King come into herself and start to speak.  I could feel the Holy Spirit on her as she switched gears from the excitement of the main hall to the private room where around 8 of us were now gathered for the impartation of the gift of Tongues.  When asked if anyone had difficulty, I raised my hand that I was raised non-Charismatic, along with one other woman and she prayed for us separately.  When she put her hand on my head, I felt like I was a basketball in her capable game of speaking to Dear Jesus on our behalf that we wouldn’t be burdened by not having grown up allowing the gifts of the Holy Spirit to manifest in our lives – she was much taller than I had imagined, given I’m used to being one of the tallest women in any group, she towered over me and I submitted to the Holy Father as she led us in prayer.

Then I was baptized in the Holy Spirit, and I received the gift of Tongues along with each of the women there with us.

The most comforting thing that Patricia King said that day, was that when we get the gift, to not be hard on ourselves if it is just a few sounds, because she also had that limited expression at first, but that it grows in us as we build it with time and prayer with the Holy Spirit. Not everyone has these immediate radical experiences with God, but like her husband, he knew God to be right and when he asked the Lord to be in his heart, it didn’t come with the resounding boom that we’d always like, but in the stillness and quietness of our time with Him; we get into relationship that is confirmed, over and over again.

Today I was confirmed again, in my prayerless urgent search for Him; He found me in worship and He spoke to my heart what would happened that would once again affirm his relationship with me.  In that reaffirmation, I wound up being prayed for by a woman whose ministry really speaks to me, like it speaks to many, and I was blessed surrounded by women who sought the same thing.

Dear God is so good, using my failure to believe His still soft voice; He still made a way to both clearly and confidently reaffirm His voice in my heart so that next time, I’ll know His voice and I won’t waiver in faith of knowing Him from the doubting voices in my head.

 

 

Accidental Baptism in the Holy Spirit, 788 Part A; August 18, 2016

Diary,

I was accidentally Spirit Filled today… imparted by Patricia King and the Holy Spirit let me know ahead of time!

I first heard of the Women on the Frontlines conference that was to happen in August 2016 on one of my visits to the Santa Maria Valley Healing Rooms on the Central Coast of California.

Though I no longer lived on the Central Coast of California when the conference was to be held, what appealed to me to make the trip and travelling to the conference was that Patricia King was advertised to be there.

Patricia King’s ministry always struck a special chord for me since I rededicated my life to Christ –

You see, it’s tough when you’re raised very non-charismatic and then you want to branch further into the fruits of the spirit.  First thing you do is try a charismatic church, then, you see people raising their hands at church, you start to back slowly out the door thinking it was a mistake, tripping over someone slain in the spirit on the way to making your exit, concerned that they’re prone in the aisle; panicked you start to question your sanity until someone sees the wary look and grabs your hand and raises it to the roof too – next thing you know, you’re in lovely fellowship, feeling angels around you in mutual worship. 

Given I had a few false starts in getting baptized in the Holy Spirit, making another try with her ministry, a ministry grounded in the movement of the Holy Spirit without coming across like a recent diagnosis from the DSM V (and I say this out of complete love and appreciation of the charismatic movement, but know, that although I believe God moves through the people, I still pray for discernment between what is of God, what is out of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and what is mimicking the best parts of God’s Holy Spirit moving through people but not genuine).

While sitting and waiting for the speakers to rally and the worship team was still doing sound checks, I had the opportunity to speak to a few of the lovely women that were around me ready for the weekend to begin. I was impressed by how many professionals were at this conference and not just the usual “glory chasers” (wonderful charismatic worshipers that fully experience the Holy Spirit beyond what I have been able to comprehend).

The anticipation of the weekend coming weighed on me and the world felt like it was on my shoulders and when worship started I prayed to Dear Father for the first time in what felt like 8 months since I had sometime in the last year lost my ability to pray,

“Dear God, I don’t know what to say, I’m hurt, I’m angry and worst yet, I feel like I can’t pray to you.  I’d really appreciate having the gift of Tongues so I don’t have to feel like I need to come up with the words of what to say, I can just have my spirit reach out.”

That’s when I heard Him. “Go up to the front and kneel and pray.  You’ll be Blessed.”

“Um, Dear God, no.  After the last year, I can’t.  I need to pull a Gideon right now; I need proof before I move to the front to be prayed for or blessed.”  I argued back with the Lord.

“I’ll let you know when, but you should know, if you are to go now, you’ll be blessed.  You’ll know to go up, because there will be an alter call for Patricia King to pray, tonight, and you will know.”

“I’m sorry, Dear God, but I’m still learning to trust You…I can’t go up now, I need to hear it clear as day” Tears finished my prayer and my hands raised into the air, wondering still if I was blessed by hearing His voice or if I was one of those cases I was scared of, imagining conversations with God in my head – after all, Patricia King wasn’t even supposed to speak tonight, let alone pray for me to get any sort of blessing.