Accident 38; March 23, 2013

Diary,

I accidentally decided to live in faith. 

What is faith?  I’m not entirely sure, actually, but I’ve decided it has to be better than what I’ve been doing.

I’ve been living where everything is in existence because I’m so amazing; why wouldn’t I think that?  I’m well-educated, well-traveled, dated or married prestigious people (“prestigious” voice in your head should mimic an exhaustive, posh British accent), I’ve held impressive titles at companies and even tried my own hand at being self-employed.  What’s the point of living in faith, because I’m so prestigious?

Oh right, the point where I’ve become so important, I’ve alienated all people around me.  I’ve become so important on my resume, that unless I’m at a corporate social, no one wants a stupid thing to do with me.  When I fly into a town, I go out as the life of the party and I’m heralded as the friend from somewhere other than there.  A toast is made, I’ve likely hooked up with a local (assuming I’m single at the time, of course) and then I fly away.

On Facebook, I get to window-shop these friends, build little towns and send them Candy Charms.  But when they have a baby, I don’t get an invite to the baby shower, I get a group message, when their baby gets christened, I’m squinting at the screen, not able to participate in the inside joke that has the priest in pinch.  When someone needs a shoulder to cry on, I don’t get tagged in the photo, because there is none.  The most important things that happen in life, there are no photos; leaving a blank screen on the timeline of my life.

So, Dear Jesus, I will live in faith.  I don’t know what it means, but let’s get started on this process, because I need to believe in something bigger than myself.

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